Fighting The Hot Fight

Graduate school makes me stressed out and horny. Since the break up with the boyfriend in March of this year, I have kind of let my hair down -- or should I say my pants? My first male interaction post-break up involved a much older graduate student in my program. And I am talking almost 20 years older. No intercourse of any sort happened. However, I did one morning wake up on the rug in the middle of my tiny studio apartment wearing the pants I wore the evening before and his sweaty shirt -- we were dancing in a gay bar the night before. I woke up because he wanted his shirt back to avoid walking out to his car half naked. Ya know, I don't blame him. I sometimes do the walk of shame, but I always make sure I am clothed -- even if it involves a halter top and heels at 9am.

Anyway, the weeks surrounding this time in the early post-break up I began to realize my number was going to inevitably rise. My much older friend and I did not have sex that night because he told me he has herpes. And despite sucking down one too many vodkas, I used my better judgment, rolled over, and passed out. Oh, but not without insisting I sleep with his shirt on. God am I pathetic. Anywho, I dont have the herp... and that was the last time the two of us had any intimate interactions. Ever since then it has been heavy flirtation when we run into each other at meetings for this journal we volunteer for or random run-ins on campus.

To set the record straight, I am not usually attracted to post 40 men. I think this attraction was a semi-rebellious act against my 25 year-old ex. The males in my peer group are just not doing it for me. This strange attraction brought up the potential of me having "daddy issues". And I really do not think this is the case. My dad has always been in my life, and ever since high school we have had a truly solid relationship. I'd even go so far to say that we have developed a friendship! So, I easily rule this out (at least for now). Nonetheless, I am still puzzled by my attraction to this much older man. Furthermore, the first person I did have sex with after my break up was with a 34 year-old, who I dated (I use lightly) for a few months from about end of March to May, which was then followed by a random hook up with a 38 year-old in June. Now, the more recent male sexual encounters have been with dudes more my age, meaning mid to late 20s. But DAAAMN! Guys in their 30s know what they are doing! But old man herp sucked at kissing...thus, I am left back at square one... puzzled...curious...and horny...